Away, away,..

Its the past, the distant past, but there are moments when the recall is so clear, so present, so now. I have no idea why events seem to startle me awake in the boring everyday events of my life. I'll be simply going through the everydayness of my everyday and some past moment will fill my mind, cause me to wonder, evoke these strange feelings from the past. Is there a reason? Is my subconscious trying to nudge me in some other direction? I saw a picture today that made me recall a person, a quite tall fiery red-headed boy I knew in high school. A funny, sweet true friend boy of which I had very few. And then it all went bad, it all came crashing down to reality with a realization that he didn't just like me as a friend, he had it bad for me. A walk in the New Year's Eve snow, a kiss. What????? When all I wanted was what all my girl friends had, a guy to pal around with, I wanted to be a boys' girl...and it could never be. Things got worse, there was a dance, there were dates, it all progressed into a standard, awkward thing. And I became my standard awkward pretty girl. It all got ugly in the end, me kissing another boy in front of him and breaking him. I always broke them, before they broke me. There is just one thing that remains, the card, the poem..."No delicate fine flower can match the majestic beauty of just your eyes." Now, 30 years later, I still remember and wonder...does he?