Away, away,..

Its the past, the distant past, but there are moments when the recall is so clear, so present, so now. I have no idea why events seem to startle me awake in the boring everyday events of my life. I'll be simply going through the everydayness of my everyday and some past moment will fill my mind, cause me to wonder, evoke these strange feelings from the past. Is there a reason? Is my subconscious trying to nudge me in some other direction? I saw a picture today that made me recall a person, a quite tall fiery red-headed boy I knew in high school. A funny, sweet true friend boy of which I had very few. And then it all went bad, it all came crashing down to reality with a realization that he didn't just like me as a friend, he had it bad for me. A walk in the New Year's Eve snow, a kiss. What????? When all I wanted was what all my girl friends had, a guy to pal around with, I wanted to be a boys' girl...and it could never be. Things got worse, there was a dance, there were dates, it all progressed into a standard, awkward thing. And I became my standard awkward pretty girl. It all got ugly in the end, me kissing another boy in front of him and breaking him. I always broke them, before they broke me. There is just one thing that remains, the card, the poem..."No delicate fine flower can match the majestic beauty of just your eyes." Now, 30 years later, I still remember and wonder...does he?

Today on Jules News...

"It's Today" "It's Today"....shouts little George in eager anticipation of his brother's arrival! I say, I shout the same today for myself. I am in eager anticipation of the new me. The better me. The modified version. I started a streak on Monday and its already Wednesday. This is real progress, people. I haven't done ANYTHING consistently for 3 days lately. Somehow, the whole sweating for 60, plus eating clean and well and being generally non-bitchy has come together. I've been spinning around,stopping at what looked easy, trying to make the square fit the round and NONE of it worked. This works. Stop, believe you're here for a reason, start to root yourself and think positive. Oh, and RUN! Freakin' every day if you can. Nothing, NOTHING puts your head in the right place quite the same way. That's all for now. Think I'll watch the SNL skit about TW again, and laugh through the heartbreak...that man ruined golf for me, I'll never forget or forgive him.